Helping Things Go Right

I had the opportunity to observe some preschool classrooms this week. Oh, my, goodness!! I believe that preschool teachers are some of the luckiest teachers around. The preschool students that I hung out with that morning were so incredibly sunny, cheerful, insightful, fun, excited, inquisitive, and just darn cute!! Really, I could not get enough of them.

HOW do preschool teachers support, encourage, teach and nurture such varying personalities, differences in development, and temperment? As I sat quietly in the corner, simply observing teacher and student interaction, I was reminded of a powerful phrase in the book, The Anatomy of Peace, by the Arbinger Institute. Helping Things Go Right. Simply. Very effective parents and teachers spend 90% of their energy and time Helping Things Go Right.

I observed 2 simple behaviors and attitudes that these highly effective preschool teachers were demonstrating that were helping things go right. The teachers were acknowledging and identifying actions that the preschoolers were exhibiting that were helpful. For example, if a student was following a classroom routine, the teacher might have said, " Christina, I noticed that you picked up all of your wrappers from your snack and pushed your chair in when you were finished eating. That is very helpful." This encourages Christina for her cooperation, and at the same time it creates awareness for the other preschoolers who are almost ready to clean up. They know just what to do with out being "told".

The second simple behavior these encouraging teachers demonstrated was asking a lot of questions. They were What and How Questions. Asking children questions about what "we" do next, or how to do something inspires processing and thinking. We want to give our children lots of opportunities to think for themselves. And when THEY KNOW what is next or figure out HOW to solve a problem, they feel capable and empowered. Just what we hope for them. "Telling" children constantly what and how to do things, may be speedy but it doesn't grow the perception of "I'm capable". There is no thinking and problem solving involved. It can feel like being bossed around, which can inspire rebellion.

So, two easy ways to help things go right:
*acknowledge and identify the helpful or cooperative actions
*ask what and how questions to inspire "I am capable!"

When we, as parents and teachers, choose to spend 90% of our time and energy Helping Things Go Right, then we'll only need to spend 10% on fixing things when they go wrong. HMMMM, sounds like a good use of my time and energy!!