Belief Behind the Behavior

I love kindergarteners! They are transparent, meaning they almost always vebalize what is going on internally for them.

In Positive Discipline there is an Adlerian theory that states when children "misbehave" there is a misguided belief behind their behavior. I got to experience this first hand in a kindergarten classroom. The kindergarten teacher had been struggling with many students "misbehavior". She tended to focus on the unwanted behavior and not acknowledge appropriate behavior. Only focusing on the negative will result in more negative. Anyway, there was a very cute boy in this class and he got noticed quite often for his "misbehavior". The teacher would call him by name, state what she wanted corrected (with some "I'm so tired of this" attitude in the voice), and always noticed when he was off task.

Anyway, I was sitting by this cute kindergartener one morning, and he was on task, focused, and really working on what he was supposed to be working on. Wow, I thought, he is "right on". So I decided to acknowledge all of his effort. So I said something like, " Wow, ______, you are focused and working on your assignment. That is so helpful." He replied back with a complete straight face and arms crossed in front of his chest, "I'm not helpful, I'm bad!"

I was dumbfounded. I looked him in the eyes and he was completely serious. I really understood the belief behind the behavior. This sweet, cute kindergartener really believed that he was "bad". Well, as we looked into each others eye, I got the giggles because he was so serious and sooooo wrong about himself. So, I smiled.... he smiled.... I giggled.... he began to giggle.... and in the end we both just laughed and laughed.

That day, I heard clearly from the mouth of one babe.... there is always a belief (maybe consciously, maybe unconsciously) behind "mis" behavior